Fat and Fatigue
by Bobby South
Summary: The Prince Regent wants to win respect from the public, but how?


"Oh, Blackadder! BLACKADDER!"

Blackadder, butler to the Prince Regent, George, entered the room. "Yes, your highness?"

"What time is it?" asked George.

"About eight o'clock in the morning, sir," answered Blackadder.

"Oh, good," sighed the Prince. "I thought I missed that duty of mine at eleven o'clock. Why can't the marathon begin a little later, like five o'clock in the afternoon?"

"Marathon, sir?" Blackadder was surprised.

"Yes," the Prince said, getting up and getting dressed. "All the criticism I keep getting from the public has given me thought to improve myself: What if I organized a charity marathon and raise money for the poor?"

"Well, sir, it is a wasteful time and effort," said Blackadder. "Giving money to the poor and useless will be like encouraging rats to come to the surface and get your food, instead of eating all of the turds and piss down their homes."

"Really? I'm only trying to do what Jesus said," George snapped. "Why don't I run in a marathon myself?"

"Good idea, sir," Blackadder added. "First brilliant idea you ever had in all your life," he added under his breath.

"While I'm out, I should be out of your way for you to give my place a good clean," added George.

"Oh, good," smiled Blackadder. "That will make life much easier for me."

* * *

"This does not make life any easier for me!" moaned Baldrick to himself, as he dusted the Prince's Chambers.

"Less talk, more dust, Baldrick," smiled Blackadder, as he sat on the Prince's sofa, drinking a delicious hot cup of tea.

"All right, Mr. B." Baldrick picked up some dust and put it in Blackadder's tea. Then the doorbell rang.

"Well, I was going to make another cup of tea anyway." Blackadder got up and walked down to the kitchen. He was surprised to see Mrs. Miggins coming in the kitchen with a stranger.

"Sorry, Mr. B," said Mrs. Miggins. "But I didn't know where else to put him."

"Well, maybe in the toilet or next to the scarecrow that couldn't scare a crow if he tried," thought Blackadder.

Then Mrs. Miggins left and the stranger revealed himself.

"Oh, God!" cried Blackadder, seeing the stranger was the Prince.

"Oh, Blackadder!" cried George. "I couldn't believe it. When I went to my marathon, I was booed, yet they kindly gave me tomatoes for me to lick on. Then I volunteered to be the first runner, but then after taking two painstaking steps, I fell down and I was laughed at. Then this woman kindly picked me up and took me here."

"Yes, only Mrs. Miggins would be kind enough to bring an idiot back to his home," Blackadder moaned.

"I'm not with you, Blackadder," said a puzzling George.

"Don't worry, sir," said Blackadder, putting on his gentle act. "It's been a busy day for you. Why, don't you rest and relax?"

"But, you see, how can I run a marathon if I can't run in it? It's not that I'm fat, is it!" Blackadder didn't answer.

"I need someone to run it for me," the Prince went on. "My position is still open. Any ideas?"

"This is a very difficult situation," Blackadder told him. "However, one name does creep to mind." He rang the bell to the Prince's chambers and down came Baldrick.

"You rang, sir?" Baldrick asked.

"Yes, Baldrick," said Blackadder. "How do you fancy running for about twenty miles?"

"No, Mr. B," said Baldrick. "I spent the whole day tiding the whole palace. I could sleep anywhere, even in the septic tank."

"That can be arranged if you don't get moving!" threatened Blackadder, holding a fork above Baldrick's head.

"Oh, wait, Blackadder!" yelled the Prince. "There is someone else who could run the marathon."

"Oh, really, sir?" Who?" All Blackadder got was looks from George and Baldrick. "Oh, no! Oh, no!"

"Oh, come on, Blackadder," begged the Prince. "I'll pay you £200 if you run the full miles."  
"And you own me five years payment overdue, but if you run this marathon, I'll drop them," offered Baldrick.

Blackadder thought of this. Then he said, "Fine! I'll do it."

* * *

At nightfall, Mrs. Miggins had finished clearing up the tables, when a limping and out-of-breath Blackadder busted in.

"Good evening, Mrs. M," he moaned, sitting himself down. "I don't believe it! I show at the marathon. As soon as I started, everyone noticed I was the Prince's butler and, as if running for twenty miles weren't enough, I got mocked and threw tomatoes at!"

"Well, you're safe here now, Mr. Blackadder," said Mrs. Miggins.

"I tell you, I could not run even if a mouse took a small bit of the cheese you're giving me," sighed Blackadder. He was about to take a bite of cheese that Mrs. Miggins had given him, when a mouse appeared and took it off him.

"Hey, come back here, you tiny bastard!" Blackadder yelled as he ran as he could out of Mrs. Miggins's shop, following after the mouse.


End file.
